Disengo class!!!!

Disengo class the month of September in Orvieto looks completely different than my drawing 1 class in Indiana. First, Diesngo in italian is the same word for design and drawing. Other than charcoal, drawing paper, and the basic shapes- I was in for a new ride. I am not a drawer. I can say that without shame or insecurity, I just am not one to pick up my pencil and draw what I see. The first day of class Prof Doll set up a mini city in the center on tables made out of shapes of cardboard, boxes, sticks. We were to draw what we saw and he would come around to watch. He gets to mine and just starts laughing. I was not offended in the least bit, I just wanted to know why he was laughing. He said, “Where did that come from?” Referring to a random object I decided to draw in. I said back, “Well I couldn’t see it behind the big box, so I just moved it. Kinda like photoshop ya know?”. He laughed, wrote my quote down, and said “No drawing doesn’t work like that. You must draw what you see not what you wish you saw”. And with that my drawing class started. 

This was taken out of our syllabus explaining the approach: 

“This is an immersion course into the layered strata of the art and history specific to this region. We come to Orvieto to listen, to shut out the excess, to take time for the searching of new words and to be integrated with the past so that we can being to shape our voices with resonant and poetic purposes for our current cultural moment. 

The desert Fathers fled the abundance of words to search for a more effective use of the same language. The deep echoes of their silence remain alarming to our mode of absorbing endless stimulation and visual influence. As a result, the work of looking, recording, and translating material matters into words, images, and motion requires massive filtering and distillation. Orvieto is the textbook against which we will measure our sense of scale in the numerous aspects of our program.” 

My schedule looked like this the last month:

Mon-Thursday: 

-get up at 7:30 (6 for the sunrise most days) 

-eat breakfast, corn flakes cause that is what they provide and I dont want to spend moreeee money on food. 

-class from 9-12 

 this would involve, always, a morning reading of poetry or out of a book in the courtyard by prof doll to get us thinking. We would either draw for the next 3 hours, working on our city projects or he would release us to go into the city and draw. Or he would talk to us for an hour showing is artists and creating a discussion about how drawing can look a variety of ways. 

-Chapter meeting 12-1. A time to have announcements , household issues, etc. And a devotional reading out of Henry Nouwen (which is IWU’s main man, I swear every class I have to read a book by this dude.) 

-Lunch at Lo Conda 1-2:30, a family own restaurant. We sit in two long tables all 22 of us and it’s always a surprise to what we will eat that day. Always family style, big bowls and we dish each other. Lunches in Italy are where it’s at, they are always the biggest meal and you always have pasta. So first course is a pasta dish, the second is some type of meat and veggies. Third sometimes is dessert but that is usually saved for dinner. Desserts can look anything like fruit to gelato to cake. 

-Free time for homework, sleeping, running, reading, etc. 2:30-8. 

on Mondays we have Italian class at 4:45-6. I am not learning italian very well. I wish I could pick it up but it just doesn’t make sense in my brain! 

-Dinner 8-9:30

-9:30-11 they turn on the internet in the convent if we want. 

-Than I go to bed and do it all over again the next day but it always looks different everyday. That is what I love about it here. We have a schedule...but it always changes. 

To put many of my friends to disbelief, I actually have homework here. I am paying to go to school here not just have ridiculous new adventures. We drew and drew and drew and drew some more. And right when I had enough of drawing we got our final project assignment. Praise the LAMB for a second option other than drawing for this project. 

Two options for the final: 

1.Drawing the city- a large final drawing onsite (ha heck to the no could I do that)

2.The City as a text-make a book in response to the city using text and images. (heck yes that is up my alley)

The whole class read a book called, “Invisible Cities” by Calvino. In this book every page was a different description of a city, built in with these crazy philosophical concepts of time, space, and beauty. We had to pick one of the cities we connected with than write about our own description of the city only being able to use 1001 characters including spaces. So very short. 

Next step was: make a book. Ya just make a book, like I knew how to do that with all my photography background? ha! 

No they showed us how to make a book. We cut our own paper to 20x20cm. Than glued all the pieces together, fan folded the pages and there we go we had a book! No the type of book I imagined. We also had to create something on top of this 400cm front and back canvas. We had 20 squares- so 40 on both sides to create the city description of our own text. If this doesn’t make sense, it’s ok I still don’t quite understand the project either, I just went for it without understanding. That right there was the hardest part for ALL of us. Our class split into two groups- the book people and the drawing people. The book people were mostly all the english majors and other ones like me who loves photoshop. Lets just say we all had a hard time with releasing understand and control to the process of creating art with our hands. Even though I am a crafty one my whole life, i’ve taken many art classes in college, and I knit basically for a living... I still am not an artist with my hands. I felt so uncomfortable creating this book out of just my hands. This was a HUGE awkward sized canvas, that could be read like a book but in reality will be hung like a banner vertically. Where do you even start right? 

I started with my text. I went around and around with ideas, concepts, photos even trying to figure out what I wanted to write about. While walking the streets of Rome it hit me. Architecture, the church, and identity. Those were my main concepts. The question I was rolling around in my head was: does the Church remember her identity? Under her facade, under her beautiful garments of gold, can she remember her original structure, the reason why she was made?? 

Through a mini project of creating an alphabet with my own photos of the city, I had my text stamped on my book with homemade letter stamps out of the photos, I had big ideas, and not a lot of time. So I just started painting. I had an idea and I went with it. How do I communicate this huge theological concept into common visuals for others to understand? Here is my text: 

“As I walk through the city unaware of the majesty at the next turn, I see Her. She is clothed with the finest garments from head to toe. Rich stones and glass cover Her.  People stare from all sides, complimenting on Her facade. While She gladly receives, internally She cries for them to look deeper, for them to gaze at the lines below the surface. 

The thick geometric lines, full of structure, simplicity, and strength, are hidden beneath the grand decor and garments of praise. It was not Her intent for the people to forget about the skeleton of Her beauty. 

God is waiting underneath. He is waiting to capture their hearts once again through the remembrance of Her original design, but the beauty is the only thing they can recall.

His lines hold truth gold can stand on. I walk away and think about all the people who pass judgments, never even knowing of these blueprints, the skeleton, the body dressed in gold.”

This is my spring board for the rest of my imagery. I took architectural designs, floor plans, and zoomed in x-rays of bones to explain the underneath original design of the facade and beauty the church is known for. One side is the blueprints to the beauty. 

The other side is in reflection to the Duomo, the huge cathedral in the center of Orvieto. It has stain glass, beautiful decor I did not even try to represent, and the body of the building is wrapped in stripes. The triangles of color are the stain glass windows shattering. And the skeleton of gold is the center because we need both to understand and be the church. The beautiful, creative, art that worships God and also the structure and floor plans of the church. She (the church) points back to Jesus, while Jesus points to us, His Bride. It’s a mutual love and understanding, like marriage. Beauty & structure. 

For two weeks we worked on our final project. The last week I only got about 3-6 hours if that a night of sleep due to the constant need to work on the book. Never have I had an open studio at college! IWU closes their studios at midnight, so we rush to finish at midnight hoping to get everything done durning the day. There is so much freedom having an open studio but also risk. I don’t sleep when I have a project, I just do. After we finished, of course like every art class, 5hour critique of all our projects. Prof hung them all up in a room and we discussed for 5 hours every single persons piece. After only getting 4 hours of sleep the night before, it was rough but needed. These are some drawings from the students who chose to do the drawing for the final. They are beautiful. We hung ours vertical like banners. So I could not photograph the top only the bottom half. 

Usually with a project there is room to breath. There is room to set the pencil or paint brush down, set back, go on a run, come back and have a new view. That did not happen for us. What hit my spirit was longevity and not giving up. Such simple concepts I wish I could be more patient with. But for a photo major who has projects due every day, I shoot, edit, print all in one day. I didn’t know the concept of longevity with in the confines of an art piece. In photo it’s all about production sometimes and not the process. It felt good to sit in the process day after day after day, wishing I could run away and look at something else. I learned persistence, finishing a project when you want nothing to do with it anymore, and being faithful to art. I made a pack with God last year on New Years I would focus this year on the word loyalty. I wanted to be a loyal daughter, loyal friend, loyal artist. I am in the midst of learning how to be loyal to my art and the process. I believe this concept will relay to real life, no I know it will.  

I have no other huge revelation that hit me durning the time of this project other than art makes the world go round. Without art in the course of our history where would we be? What would culture look like? Buildings? Clothing? Food? Art is in every area of life, design is in every area of our life. From the design of our toothbrushes, to the colors in our iphones, to the movies that fill our imaginations of another world. 

Art allows room to explore. Art doesn’t care what you look like, what you wear, how smart you are. It just wants your full attention, your whole heart- no half in or half out. It wants to take your dreams and make them into reality, to help change the world. Art wants to create unity within community. Art allows you to ask the big questions of life, to wrestle in freedom, with no fear of failing because it accepts all forms of expression.  

Art is kind of like God.   

I went to Rome and fell in love...with the city. With wide eyes I first gazed on the ancient city by mid afternoon , after a long morning filled with bus rides, train rides, and an early museum stop. I had my ideas of what Rome would be, just like any other modern human being in the 21st century. I grew up learning about Ancient Rome as if it were another world, one that could not be fully grasped or touched. I have read book after book about this city filled with churches that are art centers of worship and the countless death of Christians inside the colosseum. I have learned in history class that is is known as the eternal city. No other city (other than Jerusalem) on our world has been destroyed so and rebuilt so many times over the course of known history. War after war, destruction after destruction, invasion after invasion has not stopped this city from being the most well known city on earth. Like I stated in my first blog, you cannot fully know a person or place or even scratch the surface of knowing, unless you can make a promise with touch that mere sight betrays. That is why we came to Rome, Prof Doll stated over and over again, “we go somewhere to have an experience, to touch, to make a connection that you can’t do by looking at a photograph. The studio is not enough, you need to see”. So we went to Rome. 

For three FULL days and half a morning we traveled, toured, explored, walked, ate, walked some more, listened to, loved on, got inspired by, heard God speak through the city of Roma. As the saying goes, do as the Romans do, so we stayed in the cutest apartments downtown Rome. Just a half a step away from the Pantheon and another half step from THE best gelato of my life. That is how 20 college students enjoyed Rome from inside the city, my prof said if we didn’t stay inside it would be pointless to go. If I could explain every single place we went, all the art I saw, and my mind being blown from all new architecture I would, but no one wants to read a novel when this is only suppose to be a blog. So I will be only touching on a few main places where my spirit and heart really felt a connection. All the other stuff, I guess you’ll have to come see. ;) 

“All praises to the one who made it all, who made it all.

All praises to the one who made it all, who finds it beautiful.”

The song Crags and Clay, by Gungor, played on my ipod over and over and over again as I filed slowly through the biggest man made open structure i’ve ever stood in. This was not only the largest structure but the largest church i’ve set my foot into. One big open room, lined with millions of pounds of gold, huge columns the size of three people wide, and arches that reach higher a bus on its side, St. Peter’s Basilica had my attention for the next full three hours. As I walked up to this massive building, one of structure, history, and almost demanding attention from all who pass by, my breath was taken away. The church sits unlike any other church i’ve experienced. Due probably to the thousands of tourists inside all taking photos but also God’s presence was over whelming thick. St. Peter’s is the Pope’s church. It is known throughout history as THE Cathedral. Behind all of the people, all the cameras, all the gold, incense burning, and intense religious icons being shoved down my face everywhere I looked, God was there. I filtered through people, the little chapels on each side gazing up at the beautiful intricate details of the mere ceilings none the less all the details on the walls. I finally got to the back! The whole while feeling a bit overwhelmed, so overwhelmed I need to sit down. There are atleast 10 side chapels facing the walls where you can sit and pray. So I took that offer. Each was roped off with an officer protecting the solitude and holiness of prayer section, all I said was “I pray?” and he let me walk through.

I sat down in awe of the art, of the ability, and talent that went into making such a structure. I pondered all the churches i’ve been in in America. Other than the Catholic Cathedral I went to growing up and a random few others through the years, America doesn’t built things like this. Obviously I was sitting in St. Peters, but all I could think of is God you are worthy of this. You deserve this. This building was made with excellence and did not slack in any area. He deserves our gold, our time to build such outstanding design for His presence to meet with His people. Many could argue against my statements but after experiencing both the Catholic tradition and the Protestant, I believe there needs to be a reflection of both. Tradition and Spirit, Father and friend, gold and wood.  

I came to this realization after God rebuked and convicted my heart about my pride towards the Catholic church. (That wasn’t fun but needed to happen). How the Spirit is being revealed now on earth is happening due to the past. It’s a timeline of current events unfolding over the course of eternity. We just so happen to be in the middle of a great release of the outpouring of the Holy Spirit on Earth in signs and wonders. Not that He hasn’t in the past but now we have depth and ground to stand on our long history of faith being able to understand what God is doing. How God spoke it to my heart was the Catholic church matters!!! And is such a big deal. To know where we came from we have a better understanding of the present and than an understanding of where we are going in the future. The saints matter, the popes matter, the holy wars matter, the traditions matter, the sacraments matter. Church history actually matters. And I guess up until this point I did not have a place for them in my worldview or thinking. I don’t worship any better than the way they worshiped in the past. And I had to ask forgiveness for thinking the way I worship, talk, and pray to God is better than how the Catholic church worships, talks and prays. The way God revealed Himself to them is no less than how He is revealing Himself to the church now especially the American church. 

St. Peter’s is art that worships God. It may not be in the way I would have designed, decorated, or painted a church unto the living God, but that doesn’t mean its wrong. So after getting smacked (nicely) in the face by God, I walked out. Of course stopping to see the Piata, carved by Michleangleo. There is TOO much to say about that, so ask me in person. 

I set on the steps far away looking at the Basilica listening to “Crags and Clay”. 

The lyrics are stated above, 

“All praises to the one who made it all, who made it all.

All praises to the one who made it all, who finds it beautiful.”

And God spoke so softly, “I made this for me. People may have “made” it with their hands, but I made those hands. I wanted this for me because I am worthy of it. I find this beautiful just as I find the churches in American that you cannot stand because their lack of beauty and I find the cute little huts made out of mud in Africa just as beautiful. They are all beautiful because they worship me. Size does not matter, gold does not matter. What matters is that my presence still dwells and people still come to meet me. I made it for me.” And that shut me up for the whole night. 

Ancient Ruins!!!! blew my mind! After a long day of walking, site seeing, exploring we made it to the Roman Forum for the sunset! Absolutely my favorite time of the day, always. There are not many words to say about the ancient ruins other than they are really really old. HA! Well duh Hannah. I like being apart of something that has lasted over two thousand years- like Jesus. But also, standing inside of a building so many before me stood. Seeing the ruins grew my understanding for the timeline of humanity and how much of our lives are a tapestry knitted together throughout the ages. We all come from dust and dust we will return. 

The color pallet of Rome and most Italian cities (not all) are a variety of tans, yellows, browns. This is because of the local stones were used to build the city, handy right? There is this soft color pallet as my eyes gazed over thousands of year old design plans. They cared about design and art just as we do. They cared about what things looked like, how they fit together, how it will hold people. They were the ones who cared the most about design if you look over the course of history, ancient Rome had it going on with architecture. Everything in Rome is pretty close together, so we just hopped right over to the Colosseum. Now I do not want you to have a wrong view of what I am to say, but I was not impressed by the Colosseum. I think because it’s that popular kid that everyone likes, and because everyone likes him I am going to not, just because. It’s a beautiful structure but looking over it all I could think of is death. That is strong language but really. It was a place where death was glorified. A place where people would go to watch others literally be killed for entertainment. But as I think about this concept and look at our culture, I realize we glorify death but in our entertainment of movies. I pushed this thought out of my head so I was able to receive the historical land mark and move on. 

The next morning couple of my friends and I got up at 6:30am to go to a cafe before we started our day with the rest at 8am. They wanted to read and chat but I wanted to see the ruins in the morning sunlight. Thankfully everything in Rome, like I said, is SO stinking close, my friends watched me as I walked over to the ruins and sit in the early morning sun. It was even better!!! There is something different about the sunrise and how the sun slowly but sneakily lifts above the buildings as if it were one of those hot lava lamps being turned upside down watching the lava consume the space around. 

No one was out. Not a single person, other than the police trolling around and the occasional runner. I was astonished. I had all of the ruins to my self. I literally cannot believe it still, two mornings in a row. For there being so much hype about Rome and it being a touristy city, you could not tell at 6am. I am starting to be a morning person and some who know me will laugh out loud at that. I laugh every time I get up for the sunrise or just to read in the morning, it’s weird I’m growing up. 

I went inside the Vatican, I was overwhelmed. It was the last of three full days of site seeing and my mind was on overload. TOO MANY PEOPLE. I did get to see many famous beautiful paintings by Carvaiggo, Michelangelo, and just the Sistine Chapel, no big deal or anything. AH! Now I stay an hour inside of that chapel and just looked up. I could have spent more time but they were pushing us out, so rude. If you want to know more ask me questions- WAY to much to talk about. 

The city as a whole. 

Clean, a bit touristy in certain parts, beautiful, quiet, loud, ton of trees, tall buildings, maze like streets, ancient, modern. Those are just a few word to describe Rome. I could see myself living there for a short time in my life. I felt very safe, felt like a person not just a tourist. So many come to this city but God gave me a few beautiful personal experiences that no one else has had (I hope). I am not just another that comes and goes. I believe we all change a place or leave behind something that forms a bit of the city or person we meet. Rome changed me. I am not the same after experiencing the city. Was it the ancient ruins, or the beautiful artwork, or cathedrals covered in gold? Yes it was all of those, being able to touch, smell, hear the sounds of an ancient eternal city that is still living in its modern world. It is not stuck in the past but uses its resources to create future life. It is a city with endless supply of fresh water. Every where we went we saw fresh water flowing out of fountains, drinking holes, and spouts. They say if there is water flowing the city will be flowing. 

And so my time in Rome. Definitely not the last.

I grew in my understanding of God, His people, His timeline, I grew to love the people I am living with for the next three months, I grew to love art history, I grew to love early morning sunrises, and I grew to know a city most talk of but never have experienced the way I got to.   

I'm living in a convent.

In no way will this blog post be what it once was. I had it all written out than SOME how got deleted:( After a LONG weekend in Rome I do not have the mental capacity to think deeply through and beautifully rewrite what I first wrote, which was pretty dang good. So...here it goes for the second time. 

I live in a convent. A straight up ancient convent built in early 1200’s (i’m pretty sure). Although, it is not a practicing convent, we still uphold the community standard of living. This convent is set up with a communal sala or hang out space, kitchen, sleeping area, and a studio. With these 19 other students we eat together every meal which can be anywhere from 1-2 hours, we sleep in the same place split up into roommates, we have class together in our basement studio, we travel together, and we hang out together. We literally do EVERYTHING together. I’m pretty sure these people are going to see the worst and best of me. And that is the point of community. To love, walk through, and accept each other through the good and bad. I already adore this community of young adults all searching for the same things durning this season: God, art, and good italian food :) 

When I first got to the convent it was after hours and hours of traveling, not sleeping on the plane, my body feeling like it was the middle of the night, hungry beyond belief, and than lugging up my overweight suitcase on the cobble stone up a hill. Yet, by my excitement and my “oh my gosh seriously” comments about every two seconds, you wouldn’t have been able to tell of my past 24 hours. We set out stuff down and Prof Doll gives us a tour of our new space. We about died. None of us expected the convent to look this nice or white. ALL of the walls are white. Modern, clean lines, simple. After the tour Prof asks if we have any questions, I yell out “is literally everything from Ikea or what?”. All he says is, “literally everything,” with a big grin. They sure do love Ikea around here! I’m not hating I have a passionate love towards that mega store of inspiration. We are only the second semester to live in the convent after reventorating the entire place, so it’s freaking nice and new!!

This is our gate to the convent. (above) Cute little Gordon plaque outside and everything. Prof Doll has three kids and he told us a story of when they first started renting this place. Silyis goes “Look we have a little bit of Jesus.” There is a fresco (don’t quote me on that) above our gate. 

The courtyard, to play games and such. They want to make it into more of a garden- in the process. 

Emily in the kitchen. She is our TA so teaching assisant. She just graduated from IWU and I knew her pretty well before this, so that is nice to have :) 

We eat at a family own restaruent every lunch and dinner besides Sat and Sun. We have someone cook a home made meal for us. Than we eat breakfast in here in the morning. 

The sala or family room. We have chapter meetings which is a thing convents do. It’s a community meeting every other day or so where we talk about house hold issues, devotionals, etc. Or we use this place to hang, watch a movie, worship all together. This is where I am sitting currently. It’s nice when the windows are open and I can see the bamboo sway in the breeze. Notice the drawing in the far right. That would be Ariel :) My best friend came here last semester and apparently someone drew her for a figure drawing class and now I see her every day :) 

The studio!!! is downstairs in the basement. It already has been a bit chilly but it’s beautiful. In the other room where the dark door is more of the studio. It still has three huge arches and is where the monks would hold their services. So it’s a really holy place and all :) We have been drawing for the last 2 weeks and i’ve enjoyed it. Not love it but enjoy. Prof sends us out into the city to draw buildings, people, arches, streets, pizzas, etc. The next two weeks of the class we are splitting up into two groups and focusing on our big project. So half the class will be doing a drawing, a HUGE drawing of something in the city. Some place they have a connection with. I am doing the book. It’s VERY hard to explain other than i have to write a poem sorta thing about a space than visually describe it using text and images. I will show when I am finished. We just finished reading Italo Calvino’s “Invisible Cities” which is a conceptual architecture book that i was blown away by. 

And this is my room :) cozy. I didn’t take a picture of the whole room cause my roommates were there and didn’t like me doing that. whatevs. haha. We cannot put anything on the walls because they are white and the paint comes off easily. 

Off to do some more homework!! ROMA pictures will be up soooon!!! Takes forever to upload photos. 

A touch makes a promise that sight betrays

We desire to touch. We touch to know. We touch to feel connected, to feel human, to be aware of our own reality. As humans we get stuck on concepts, past stories, photographs. We are able to get stuck into a false reality within these mediums. A person or place that is real and true even to the eye may not able to be fully grasped or understood through just a story, photograph, discussion. “A touch makes a promise that sight betrays”. To touch we connect what all our ideas, concepts, and photographs have told us through our eyes or mind. To touch a place or a person is to know them more intimately, on a level that merely viewing cannot reach. 

Gordon’s study abroad program is rooted in getting to know or touching the city. With our own two hands actually feeling the brittle stoned tan colored walls that en-gate the medieval city of Orvieto. Or feel the cobble stone road ways underneath our sandals as we walk through the tightly built city streets. And to pick up the freshly made bread, which is still warm from the oven, with our hands. These things we have only just seen with our eyes through photographs, movies, and books. But to touch, to touch makes a promise in the heart. Some say once you’ve seen you can never turn back. That is a statement I do agree with and have said yet, when you touch the physical object of a miracle, a sub conscience agreement happens with in the heart saying now that i’ve seen and touched this is the truth. 

Many rag on Thomas and have named him the doubter, as if that was a bad thing. Thomas, if you look throughout the gospels, was the one who faithfully stood next to Jesus in any situation. For example in John 11:16, "Let us also go, that we may die with him" is what he answered when the disciples did not want to return to Judea in fear Jesus would be stoned. Doubt is an emotion, belief is a choice. In John 20:27-29, “Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here, and see my hands; put out your hand, and place it in my side. Do not disbelieve, but believe.” Thomas answered him, My Lord and my God!” (which is the  FIRST time in the gospels where Jesus is addressed as Lord and as GOD).

So if you break those verses down first we see Jesus willing and demanding Thomas to put his finger in His side so Thomas would believe. Jesus recognizes our humanness. He recognizes our struggle of doubt of believing in Him even when we see for our own eyes. When Thomas touched Jesus some kind of spark must have happened. Maybe the Heaven’s opened for Thomas, and he heard little baby angles singing a song while lightening and thunder rang in his head. Or when he touched Jesus’s side with his own hand, there was an agreement made in his heart and mind.  A promise made that said “You my friend are God MY and MY Lord. I knew this whole time, yet I even doubted.I stood next to you while you healed the sick, raised the dead, casted out demons. But now. Now that I’ve touched your side and your hands where I literally watched you get nailed to a cross and die. Now something clicked. Jesus i’m a physical person, I need to know all the facts before I make a decision. You know me. But I believe you not only are my Lord but also my God. Now that I have touched my heart chooses to believe instead of doubt.” Doubt is an emotion, belief is a choice.

Orvieto is more than I thought it would be. It's a magical city to say the least. Words do not describe nor photos the beauty and quaintness this place carries. 

I start first day of DRAWING CLASS tomorrow!!!! SO EXCITED! This is to good to be true.