My Painting Process

"Art mirrors this struggle and captures the process of letting go. Every stroke pushes the painting to sacrifice itself: every creative act destroys something previously built. Imagination reveals not new vistas but revelations of reality behind reality. All art points to a transaction between reality of the seen and reality of the unseen."

It is one thing to say I am going to paint and a whole other to actually do it. The process of painting class for me was difficult. I am a visual artist with media but not necessarily in studio art. Our professor, Phillippe Fretz, a professional painting who lives in Geneva, Switzerland, lead us in the discussion of Dante’s inferno. He split the Inferno into 12 different sections, each containing 2-3 cantos. I got cantos 21-24- the hypocrites,barrators, and thieves. 

The goal was to have one big painting at the end with all pieces some how connecting on either side. I had a difficult time. At first I drew my lines wrong but not knowing until 3rd week in. So I had to move my lines to line up with Luke’s and Hannah’s on either side of mine, than go from there. I was back and forth on my ideas the entire time! I finally decided on more of abstract piece. I wanted to capture the colors, feelings, mood of a hell not just imagery. 

I wanted to look at:

-textures

-a space

-the feel 

I was question in art how we are not allowed to touch the canvas. It is always at an arm length. Just like sin. Sin is so real, always in front of our eyes yet we are scared to deal with it, to actually touch it. I wanted to face the reality of sin not just look at, but touch it deal with it. There is freedom to make a connection with the reality of sin. There is a God who wants me to not just look at the sin far away on a canvas, something that I created or had a part of but to reach out and hand it to him. 

Abstract art or action art is defined by its emphasis on emotional or spontaneous content not based in reality. 

The 4 different spaces of the painting was a structure I was given and was suppose to keep within the boundaries of. Starting at the top:

Sky of grace- beautiful, simple yet complex, tears of rain I called it. A skye of grace is over both the sinner and righteous. 

Stone wall- some kind of order and control, organizing sin. 

Beautiful motif- this explains the beautiful motif’s of popular Italian ceilings painted mostly by Giotto. What is the truth underneath? What is the sin that is being covered by the “beauty”? Hypocrites hide the truth with a false beauty. 

Reality of sin- the truth is dark, gritty, honest, raw, unplanned. 

Branch of hope- extends from the bottom to top blending in. There is still hope in darkness. Dante’s inferno was for the living to recognize their way of living and to look at the reality of hell. Why is hell so bad? Because it’s a lack of relationship from Jesus. It’s a separation from God. The tree shows how life can still grow out of sin, out of hypocrisy, how there is still hope.

I look back at the HOURS AND HOURS every day I spent on this painting, and realized it was one long worship month. Worship can be taxing on the heart, it is healing, it can be long, drawn out. In the middle of worship God changes a heart, He changes the plans you had and sets you on a new path. It’s not perfect, there is no perfection in worship. In worship you must show up and do your part. Something beautiful is created, even though at the end it doesn’t always look what you intend it to be. Worship is an everyday action of going before the throne of God, in whatever state you are in happy sad tired in love, and having the heart go through a process of humility in recognizing it’s about the journey not always the ending. In the journey is where He wants to teach us, shape us, get frustrated at Him and work through it and than fall in love with Him.

The painting process was a month of worship. I learned more about humility, the process, and raw honesty than I ever have in one month time. 

Did not edit this. so sorry. I need to work on that.
-

Community of one

Community. 

It’s a buzz word where I come from. Everyone who goes to a private Christian college in America knows that is probably the most popular word on the campus other than devo’s, intentionality, and Jesus. It’s the word that is thrown around from dorm life, to being in a specific friend group, to what church you attend, community is used in everyday life as one of the most used words on my campus. You are expected to identify what community you are in all the while being a member of the main community, for me would be an Indiana Wesleyan University student. This word community can mean a multiple of things in the Christian sub-culture I live in anything having to do with a group of people who all the same like-mind ness to what dorm you live in. You are defined by what community you live in. But what even is community? I feel as though I cannot answer that fully due to the over usage of the word, I now have to many definitions and thoughts on what this buzz word actually means. 

To live in community, is to be vulnerable, to know the heart of another, for others to know your deep concerns. It is the mutual knowledge of respect and honor. It is having a people who share in your same thinking and daily liturgy. 

There are communities who: eat together, pray together, run together, laugh together, drink together, die together, sin together, worship together, learn together. We are made to live in community.

You have heard of culture shock I am sure or have experienced it yourself. Culture shock can happen when you live in another culture with different traditions, foods, or way of living than what you are accustom to. This can happen easily when you live in a first world country than start living in a third world country but in my case that was not so. I did not experience culture shock exactly but community shock. I am in love with Italian culture. Sure they eat way to many carbs for my liking and everyone smokes in this country, they just do life different than I but what was harder for me was the community shift. If you know me I have many friends, probably to many. They call me a social butterfly. I can’t help it! Ever since I was little I enjoyed being around people, call me extroverted if you want, but here is a bit different for me. I live with 20 other college students, and that is it. We are together 24/7 literally. We eat together, have class together, pray together, watch movies together, travel together, everything together. I have never been around the same people of this size for more than a week. I am learning, a lot to say the least. For the first two months I was struggling with such a different community. I would say these are not my friends, I just want my friends, I miss my friends. And all of that could be truth but I know did not many anyone feel good here every time I said it out loud. 

I am becoming more introverted. This may be due the amount of time I am with people durning the day realizing if I don’t make separate alone time to hide away from the convent, I won’t get it ever. This is good for me. 

So every morning I wake up around 7, eat breakfast, read, than go on my morning walk. It wakes me up, gets me out of the convent, and gets me talking with God early in the morning. I walk on the Via Di Popolo (street of the people) which over looks the valley below and it is truly beautiful. I can forget sometimes sadly that I am in Italy while living with American college students. But when I go on my walks, I can’t run from the reality, I live in one of the most beautiful diverse countries on the planet. With its rich colors of the morning sky, and tall firm bold trees, and lovely green grass. Not to mention the blue seas of the Mediterranean surrounding this entire land on all sides. I still cannot believe the beauty that lays in front of my eyes every time I step out the door. The sun here, it’s sweeter than any where i’ve been. The way the sun rays shine so softly through the cyprus trees every morning with the fog rolling over the mountains reminds me of a fairytale. Is this place real? It sure is. Today I learned in the 1300’s the Pope lived here! Orvieto was the vatican! Also, the Duomo (huge church in the middle of town, and is why people come visit the city) houses a miracle in the 1300’s when a priest was conducting the communion service the “body” wafer started to bleed. A miracle of God speaking to His church that hey there is reason for sharing in the communion of my Son daily, He is alive and the sacraments are needed.  

Coming back to community. This beautiful community I live with in this fairytale medieval town, is teaching me, growing me, and pushing me in ways i’ve never experienced. Each community I have lived in whether that be at IWU, at home in Ohio, at camp, or in Tacoma- every one of them have had different revelations of God. Each one is different for a reason and each one I value highly. This community of Gordon in Oriveto, through the guidance of Prof Doll, has received the revelation God is at the center of everything we do and to have a high respect for creation of God. Community isn’t just a set of people together, it’s a set of people all centered around a specific reason with the intent of sharing life together. A community doesn’t get pushed together without a common denominator . Our common denominator is to learn. 

To be learners of art, of italy, of another culture. To be learners of God, of the catholic church, of each other. We are here to learn and grow together. Yes we all come with different reasons but we still have a reason for coming and it is to learn.

There are things to learn from every individual you meet in your life. I want to be a learner of people. This community has pushed me to mature, to talk when I don’t “feel” like talking, to set down my entitlements of selfish desires and needs and to stop look around at how everyone else is feeling. This community is a free place. They don’t ask to much or to little of me. I just am me and they receive me everyday in different capacities, some days more than others. This community is not what I was expecting in the least bit, obviously I had a shock and a hard time the first two months, but now I value each one of their faces every morning. I see them for who they are not who I want them to be. To be in this community you must be vulnerable. Friendship will not grow without mutual vulnerability. Each one I have learned from and even I I don’t like them, understand them, or agree with them, they still are on my team. No reason to fight with your teammates if it won’t help resolve an issue. No reason not to learn from the members of your family, they are going to be with me the rest of eternity for pete’s sake.

Alana- Taught me about intentional listening. 

Stephne-Taught me to look at the little details in everything.  

Shannon- Taught me to much to write, but one little thing is life is about living it abundantly. 

Tom- Taught me to ask questions and not be content till I find truth. 

Erin- Taught me it’s ok to just laugh. 

Amanda- Taught me to be in love and present with whoever and whatever I am doing in the moment. 

Luke- Taught me don’t take things or people at face value. 

Amy- Taught me about womanhood. 

Morgan- Taught me everything we interact in nature with is from the hand of God. 

Alexis- Taught me to value people who can sit and listen. 

Thais-Taught me to go after things with my whole heart. 

Bri- Taught me dry humor is the best...at every and any moment.  

Sam- Taught me hospitality is a love language. 

Linnet- Taught me you must know someone before judging them. 

Alyssa- Taught me you can learn more about a person sometimes from sitting silence in each others presences. 

Emily-  Taught me about self discipline. 

Hannah- Taught me to speak only when it is edifying, comforting, or encouraging. 

Karren- Taught me more about the love of Jesus in ways I never seen. 

Emily F- Taught me to persevere even when I want to quit.  

Each one is a gift from the Lord. I love them dearly. 

“The careful balance between silence and words, withdrawal and involvement, distance and closeness, solitude and community forms the basis of the Christian life and should therefore be the subject of our most personal attention.” Nowen 

Sorry I always forget to proof read...my english teachers hated that about me.